Close My Heart & Raise My Shields

So I’ve shared the article with you (www.tricycle.com/dharma-talk/long-journey-a-bow) and talked about how “the bow” has affected me and how I read it everyday.  Now let me tell you what happens after I read it everyday.

I start out every morning with the article and then I move onto my prayers. I pray for the ability to “bow” to each being I’m with that day. And I pray for the ability to see the Divine in the faces of all those I’m with that day. I leave my home with an open heart and a positive attitude.

And by noon…I’m a big ole bitch! Out the window goes my desire to bow to others. I become so frustrated and defensive by what feels like ignorance and selfishness that I close my heart and raise my shields. I live in a place that is notorious for its rude drivers. After a few minutes in traffic I’m ready for boxing not bowing. And as an African-American I try to remember the part of the article that talked about the history of “bowing and scraping” that makes it hard for some of us to bow. But then someone at work will make some insensitive remark (like about hair, etc.) and I’m not about bowing at all!

A shaman friend of mine told me to look inside myself. It may be the way to discover how and why I’m letting my buttons get pushed. A therapist told me the same thing. Am I closing my heart to general injustice or am I taking it personally? Because if I’m taking it personally then it means I’m indulging in the “conceit of self”. (Greater than, less than, equal to) Oops!

So this is where I am on my journey to the bow. My goal is to keep my heart open until…. 1PM.

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